In Canada, laws limit cannabis-filled cannabis pods and most other food items to shapeless blobs. To keep foodstuffs unattractive to children, many brands in the industry have valiantly fallen behind squares and circles in order to get them pumped.
But for the first time in Canadian (legal) cannabis history, you can now officially eat a rooster. Banana or cola, filled with herbs, is edible in the shape of a rod, specifically.
This week, the brand controlled eating™ Takes the old saying ‘eat a dick’ seriously with the release of my banana and cola bars into Cannabis Retailers Limited in Canada. The trick alone will undoubtedly attract consumers’ attention.
With national laws already restricting cannabis products by age, no one under 18 can see these bland foods, let alone buy them. It now seems safe to make adult-only shapes like penises, boobs, and other assets that you normally only see at Bachelor/Rate parties.
This particular evolution of eating feels very natural, in my opinion. We can all find something poetic about the government saying that it’s perfectly fine to buy soft chews that resemble human body parts while at the same time rejecting the idea of fruit or animal shapes. (Didn’t we go through this with those Mike Tyson eat the ear?)
Confessions of (no) virgin gum penis
Some people may hold their pearls when they hear of products like this, but cannabis brands have a history of infusing the herbs into the penis mold. While being the first to head to the legal market is an achievement, let’s talk about those who came before us.
I, for example, want a cannabis industry that embraces what it can do, not just what it can’t do. We are all adults here, and we should take advantage of this age-restricted industry.
From the editor
I’ve seen a real-life gummy rod before at my first cannabis conference in Toronto, where I was gifted a bag of rods: a brightly colored rod-shaped treat containing 10mg of THC carefully crafted by someone in the unregulated market.
In addition to laughing like a schoolgirl, I remember loving this hybrid of adult novelty and hemp. As a woman in her thirties, I’ve attended a plethora of bachelorette parties with regular lollipops, gum, chocolate, cake, and edible glass cups that look like my genitals of all shapes and sizes.
These “adult-only” product styles seem a natural fit for the legal cannabis industry, which is known for taking itself very seriously.
Cannabis doesn’t always have to be this dangerous
Sarah Kolpatsky, co-founder of Censored Edibles, says her inspiration for this product is “a love of cannabis before legalization paired with a dirty mind.” She joins me on a video call with an infectious laugh, a big personality, and a golden sperm studded with diamonds around her neck.
“Sex and hemp have been together for decades…hundreds of years, right? It’s an adult sector. It’s age-restricted. You can’t get kids to apply to any of the stores,” Kulbatski told Leafly. “Why not allow an adult product that is made by adults for the adult sector?”
in partnership with Lush Brands, penis foods hit retail shelves in stores and online this week in Ontario. Banana and cola gummies come in packs of four, with 2.5 mg of THC each. That way, you can take them all to get the full effects of 10mg of THC or enjoy what a friend of mine calls “Dick Lilly,” which means a smaller dose for those with lower cannabis needs.
In addition to her dirty mind, Kolpatsky’s clever sense of being an entrepreneur saw a hole in the current legal offerings and seized it. “We can’t do bears, we can’t do pumpkin, we can’t do XYZ, because it might motivate kids. So they literally pushed us into that corner where you can’t do much. If it’s an adult strip, I should be able to come up with some adult-shaped gum.” So I did.”
Glazed banana or cola? This editor has tried them both
Let me tell you, it was hard to get my hands on these bars! Stores dried up for weeks and my city finally got its shipment last night. The first thing I noticed, aside from the obvious, was the texture. they have a decent texture, stretchy, gum; Nothing is guaranteed with cannabis in Canada.
They also paid close attention to shapes, I mean, if you’re doing it right. I was expecting it to be semi edible rod but what I got was obviously made up of perfect small rods controlled with high quality.
The flavors were solid. I’ve never been too keen on this artificial banana flavor, but it fit perfectly on the nose. The flavor of the cola reminded me of that soda bottle fudge, no zing. I would have bought it for Grandma alone, but overall this is edible.
This delicious dessert offers something consumers have never seen before and the time has come. I, for example, want a cannabis industry that embraces what it can do, not just what it can’t do. We are all adults here, and we should take advantage of this age-restricted industry.
Sure, sometimes it sucks to navigate the portals of the cannabis era. I’m sick of explaining the age restrictions to my work because of the cannabis law, not some infamous NSFW reason. But since we’re stuck with that, why not also embrace the positives that come with those 19+ lives? Like the pleasure of eating a rooster (banana) full of herbs.